omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
