I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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