Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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