i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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