Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
