Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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