I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
