I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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