Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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