Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
