the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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