I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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