I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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