One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
