I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
