I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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