the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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