I hate all girls vehemently.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
high people should be assigned attendants
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
