My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
