Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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