It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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