Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
