Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
