she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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