So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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