You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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