Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
