i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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