your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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