OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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