We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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