I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
