You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
