its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
