am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
