Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
