it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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