dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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