Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
