Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
