My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
