I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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