you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
