sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
