I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
