I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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