if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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