I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
