I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
