Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
