Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
