Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
