Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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