Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
